True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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