my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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