it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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