I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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