this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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