i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
