Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Girls should come with a carfax report
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
