Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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