Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize