Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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