I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
