Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
