There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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