You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
