I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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