i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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