Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
