i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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