I think my vagina is haunted
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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