Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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