He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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