is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
