it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
