ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
