You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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