we made out on top of his cat.
only you would photoshop your dick
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
