it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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