based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
