does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
