Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
