I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
