wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
