i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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