Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
