we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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