i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
