My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
