I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
