im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
