im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
