Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i already hear my dad disowning me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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