i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
