you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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