Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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