I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
