a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
