My nipple is on Facebook.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
