I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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