my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
