I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
