I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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