When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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