Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
worst night to have a conscience
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
