Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
