sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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