Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
