I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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