you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
