Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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