so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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