I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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