Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
