so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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