happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
