My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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