she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
