dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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