apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
