OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
