I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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