Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
