If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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