So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
