He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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