Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
